By Kivi Neimi
Heading into the dark time of year, I always say I am not going to hibernate. Hibernation is sort of natural, coming from a northern country. I spent my teen years on the Oregon coast, where it rained more often than the sun shined.
I have learned that I need alone time at home. I need time alone to recharge and regroup. I am not an introvert per se, but I need a certain amount of solitude to be well-balanced. I certainly need to socialize and engage with people, humans are social animals. We need to engage and interact with each other for our mental health, isolation can trigger depression, so balance is the word for good mental health.
This balance can be challenging during the Holidays.
Parties, shopping, Holiday Events, and family get-togethers all converge into a busy time while the light dims. My body wants to crawl into bed and be warm. I feel a pull to isolate myself, the sniffle that I want to avoid sharing or developing into a cold or that project I am engrossed in, or just the rainy weather can prompt me to decline an invitation. So I can stay in, on the couch, with my cats….
I have zero FOMO
But I do need people. I do need to socialize, and I am even good at it when I engage.
For someone who is hypervigilant and has severe PTSD, it can be very trying and tiring to engage during the Holidays. There are lots of flashing lights and shrill noises which can trigger my system. The time changes are hard on everyone, but for someone with mental health challenges, they can trigger depression and other symptoms.
For me, creating a balance of things I’ll attend and making sure I don’t overextend myself is key to a successful holiday. Also, setting boundaries that are healthy, such as not seeing that ex who is always critical or limiting time with toxic family members are always good guidelines to a successful Holiday Season.
It really is about celebrating that we made it through another year, so why not give ourselves the gift of honoring the growth we have made and maintaining our healthy boundaries with family and friends?
We can or may have to engage with people and family members who are trying or even triggering. Knowing this, I try to set up systems of support before I engage with them.
It is OK to take breaks from people, even if you only see them for short periods of time infrequently. Toxicity is toxicity. Don’t try to reason with it, just prioritize your mental health.
These are some tools that have worked for me.
- After that trying holiday meal, bundle up and take a walk. If it is late, bring a flashlight and your cell phone.
- Go to a movie, alone if you need/want time away from people.
- Have a list of people you can call and talk to who know this is a challenging time and place for you.
Of course, add anything that you think will help you adjust to this busy time. Make a plan for success over this Holiday Season and give yourself the gift of a happier and healthier Holiday for you and your mental health.